A Guided Tour of the Abandoned Factory: the Exploration Blog
“Welcome, everyone, to your guided tour of the Abandoned Factory!”
“Despite its moniker, this old habitat isn’t nearly as abandoned as you may think! Take a look to your left, and you’ll see one of the creatures that have made their home here.”
“That’s right, it’s a Foof! Don’t get too close; if it senses any untoward movements, it’ll harden its hair into vicious spikes! But, if you do get close, make sure you take a picture as its spikes jut out! It’ll look great framed, hanging on your wall. There are a lot of other creatures and constructions that populate this factory, so I hope you enjoy seeing them all as we—”
“‘That thing’s just the loose hair caught in a shower drain given life?’ …While you could be a little nicer about it, you are correct in that wild animals aren’t exactly a great selling point. Luckily, they aren’t the ONLY selling point!”
“Smell the dusty musk of a world long forgotten, listen to the ambience of ancient machines, absorb the radiance of rampant crystal growths… Look closely, and you can tell this place has its own culture and sensibilities. And if you pay enough attention, maybe you’ll be the one to figure out what was built here before it was abandoned! Zaku knows I’ve been trying!”
“…Not into culture either? Guys, this is a cultural tour, so… Uh, yes, I understand it can be difficult to engage with culture without understanding the people, so why don’t you search for the various notes scattered around the factory?”
“They’re quite the scavenger hunt, but that makes their insights into a world long lost all the more grand! Some notes come in sets of threes as well, so you can’t possibly have a full picture of this beautiful culture if you don’t find them all!”
“Your… glares tell me that you’re not into that either. S-so, uh… hold on… there’s definitely some… some more around here that… AH! Yes, of course! Let’s get your eyes off me and onto some hands-on activities!”
“Most tour guides would tell you not to touch the valuable and decrepit relics from ancient times, but they aren’t willing to take risks like I am! This here is a workbench, and you can find multiple around the factory! If you look closely, they hold some blueprints that you can use to make anything your heart desires… or that you have a blueprint for. Some workbenches are even hidden, so break down doors and shatter walls to find them and appreciate all their wondrous rewards!”
“…Guys. Hey, guys! Y-you… haven’t even been paying attention to a single thing I’ve said, have you? Fine. No, it’s fine. It’s really fine. You know what?”
“Oooooooo! Look at the pretty colors! If you interact with this natural crystal growth, you can take some crystals for yourself to cast some cool magic! You guys think magic is cool, right? It’s MAGIC! How isn’t that cool?!”
“LOOK AT THEM! LOOK AT THE CRYSTALS! Don’t they make the factory feel alive?! Don’t you feel the overwhelming urge to explore this beautiful, beautiful place?! Do you?!”
“…What do you mean, ‘When’s this tour over?’ It’s over when we LEARN TO APPRECIATE THIS PLACE! And… and you know what really gets me to appreciate what I have?! SMASHING IT ALL TO NOTHING!”
“That’s right! We’re gonna break crates until you learn to appreciate them! Do you want to explore now?! Look at how cool these old things are when they break! LOOK AT HOW FUN THIS IS! ISN’T IT FUN?!”
…
…I don’t know who that person was, or how they got access to the blog, but, hey, it let me take a week off. I’ll lock the door next time, though.
— A Duck Named James